Using Mindfulness to Be Kinder to Yourself

Have you noticed a running stream of negative self-talk? Does the voice beat you up over your mistakes or imperfections, or make you feel inadequate?

We all have that nagging inner critic, and when you’re dealing with a mental health struggle like anxiety or depression, it can feel overwhelming. 

The truth is, most of us are far tougher on ourselves than we would ever be on a friend going through something similar. We desperately need to learn how to quiet that mean internal voice and treat ourselves with more kindness and compassion. This is when the practice of mindfulness can be so powerful. 

 What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the ability to be fully present in our current situation, without becoming overwhelmed or upset by it. The practice helps us notice what we’re doing and what’s happening around us, so that we are less distracted or disturbed by any worries, obsessive thoughts, or fears about the future. 

At its core, mindfulness simply means staying present in the here and now. Rather than judging or trying to change the way you feel, you can learn how to observe your thoughts, emotions and physical sensations with curiosity and acceptance. 

Mindfulness teaches us to become aware of any harsh self-judgments when they appear, so that we can meet them with a gentler, more understanding perspective.

Through mindfulness, you create space to interrupt toxic self-criticism and respond to yourself with compassion.

If you’re ready to turn down that loud internal bully, or need to quickly get your focus back to the here and now, the following 4 exercises can help.

1 Do the Body Scan

Get into a comfortable position and start paying close attention to the physical sensations in your body. 

Start at the soles of your feet, and work upwards to the top of your head. Notice any areas that are holding tension or stress. 

 Take a breath in, then consciously relax and soften those spaces as you breathe out. This helps you step out of your churning mind and reconnect with your body in a compassionate, non-judgmental way.

2 Learn to S.T.O.P.

This mindfulness tool is perfect for those moments when you’re feeling hijacked by negative self-talk. You’ll need to:

S – Stop what you’re doing

T – Take a few breaths

O – Observe what’s happening inside (any thoughts, emotions and physical sensations) with kindness

P – Proceed in a way that supports taking better care of yourself

Trying the S.T.O.P. technique disrupts your usual habit of beating yourself up, so that you can shift towards a more nurturing inner voice and perspective. 

3 Try Loving Kindness Meditation

In this meditation practice, you start by sending positive phrases towards yourself. Think about constructive intentions you might want to remind yourself of, such as:

“May I be kind to myself”

“I will accept myself with all my flaws”

Once you have got the hang of this, you gradually extend these wishes outwards towards friends and family. Eventually, you may feel able to extend the goodwill to all beings. 

 This is a powerful way to soften your inner critic and quiet self-judgment.

4 Take a Self-Compassion Filled Break 

This is similar to the S.T.O.P method, but it also involves putting your hands over your heart and speaking to yourself with understanding and care. 

For instance, if you really messed something up, place your hand on your heart and speak kindly to yourself. You might say something like, “This is really painful, and it’s ok to feel this way. I’m human, and everyone struggles sometimes. I will not be so hard on myself.” 

Soothing words can create an outer experience of compassion that can shift your inner experience.

Final Thoughts

The key with all of these mindfulness practices is to make them a regular habit. This helps you build up the muscle memory of treating yourself with kindness. With consistency, that inner ally of self-compassion will naturally start to drown out your inner critic.

Try to think about it objectively. What serves you better: constantly judging and berating yourself, or bringing curiosity, care and feelings of calm into your life? You have a choice to perpetuate the painful self-criticism, or treat yourself with compassion. 

When you start introducing mindfulness to your life, you start treating yourself with the same care and love that you deserve and would treat a friend with.